Desperate and Dateless (Montague Vampires prequel) by Elizabeth Lapthorne

desperate and dateless

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“Welcome to the Inaugural Vampiric Desperate and Dateless Ball.” Vicci needs the credits the Security gig can give her for the Vampiric Desperate and Dateless Ball. Besides, it can’t be hard to watch a bunch of vampires, humans and other assorted species do the dirty bump and grind and seek for that “Right One.”

Instead, she finds herself captivated by an intriguing vampire, one who seems to make her senses flare up and startlingly enough, one whose mind she can’t penetrate.

Prince Vladmir had decided to attend the Desperate and Dateless Ball on a whim. He never expected to meet the woman who could close his Soul’s Circle. As his heat rises within him and his legendary hold on his control begins to slip, he walks closer to that fine edge of uncontrollable hunger.

I really don’t know what to say about this one. It really should have worked well. But it didn’t. It shouldn’t have felt like a first book – the author has written quite a few books, some that I’ve read – but it did.

I don’t know…maybe I’ve read too many vampire romances? Maybe I expect too much? Maybe I need to take a break from romances and dive headfirst into a door-stopper fantasy of epic proportions? The mind boggles and the reader chafes.

Back to this book.

It started well. The set up was ok. The author seemed to want to avoid the “fated mates” trope but she wanted the singular instant connection that the fated mates trope gives. So she created the awkwardly phrased “Vampire Soul’s Circle.” It seems to work quite similar to the fated mates trope without using the terms “fate” or “mate.” It was only slightly less annoying than a fated mate.

What bothered me was that there were a lot of awkward phrasing and wording throughout the book. Almost as if it was unevenly edited. The book would be moving along at decent pace and suddenly Awkward Word would jump out and shock me out of the story again. And considering I started reading this as light brain fluff while trying to avoid the vice-presidential debate, that really annoyed me.

Another thing that dropped this book down to two stars (when it should have been higher) is all the freaking talking they do during sex! Yap, yap, yap. Chat, chat, chat. Give me a break! The sex was not hot at all. Not at all. It was chock full of baby dreams and conversations and sweet gentle nothings. Oh man, seriously? I love kids and all but the last thing that I want to think (and talk!) about when having hot monkey bondage(lite) sex is having a baby.

So, all the random conversations and thoughts during the (single!) sex scene, the insta-baby and the awkward phrasing/wording killed me.

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